Evans!
by StopAndSmellTheFlowers
Summary: A bunch of random conversations. One-shot. I'm rubbish at summaries. Probably not necessary to rate it T, but I did anyway.


**A/N: The other day, I ate an orange. That has absolutely nothing to do with the story; the following, however, does. I've always found Lily and James's relationship to have the potential for humor. This may be sort of insane, because it was written when I was half-asleep. Reviews are appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: No I don't own anything. I don't wanna talk about it, go away (NO! DON'T ACTUALLY GO AWAY! READ MY PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A STORY!). Meh. *cries like a little kid***

"Evans! Evans! Evans! Evans! Look over here!"

"You're pathetic."

"No, I'm the greatest gift Hogwarts has ever seen!"

"…And that statement made by you right there just about sums up why I hate you."

"…What? Padfoot! What did Evans mean?"

"She hates you because you're better than her."

"Oh! That makes sense!"

"Prongs, whatever Padfoot told you is wrong. What's the problem?"

"Moony, Evans told him she hates him because he said, and I quote: 'I'm the greatest gift Hogwarts has ever seen!' to her face."

"Prongs, you need to stop being so egotistical."

"Moony. Think. I'm not being egotistical. She's just jealous because I'm better than her."

"You'll understand it later, Prongs, and then you will admit I was right."

* * *

><p>"Evans!"<p>

"What, Potter?"

"Go out with—"

"No."

"—the giant squid?"

"….What the hell, Potter?"

* * *

><p>"Evans! Go out with me!"<p>

"No. And honestly, how do you expect me to say yes if you act as if you don't know my first name?"

"…Good point."

"I know, that's why I made it."

"Your hair is really pretty."

"….Nice."

"I know I'm nice, thanks for noticing."

"…Padfoot, why'd she slap me?"

"Mate, I think this is a question for Moony."

"Moony?"

"If you don't know, Prongs, I won't tell you."

* * *

><p>"Lily!"<p>

"No—wait, what?"

"Um… Lily?"

"You called me Lily!"

"Er… yes?"

"Whoa. All right then James, what were you about to say?"

"Gerald Fenwick is asking when the next Prefect's meeting is, and I suppose we have to organize them, being Heads…."

"Oh, yeah. The meeting. I was thinking like…. Next Friday?"

"It's a date."

"…"

"…That just made things incredibly awkward, didn't it?"

"Yes, yes it did, James."

"Well, I'll just be going."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Lily! Lily! Lily!"<p>

"What, what, what?"

"Guess what, Lily, guess what?"

"Banana?"

"What?"

"You heard me. Banana?"

"…Why do you have a banana in your bag?"

"I do not have _a _banana in my bag. I have eight bananas in my bag—I should have thought that would be obvious."

"Why….?"

"I like bananas. Especially with cereal. But I simply cannot stand incredibly fancy spoons that whenever you eat with them, you're inclined to eat fancily."

"….O—okay?"

"Yes. What were you saying before, James?"

"Oh, right. Guess what?"

"Banana?"

"Oh, no. Not again. What I was going to say was….was….."

"Was…"

"Damn it. I've forgotten."

* * *

><p>"Lily? Why are you up so late? What's wrong?"<p>

"Voldemort went after my parents, James. And h-he almost... almost..."

"It's okay. They'll be fine. Do you want a banana? And cereal?"

"Wh-Why do you have bananas and cereal?"

"Because you said you liked them, of course."

"Thanks, James."

"You're welcome, Lily."

* * *

><p>"James?"<p>

"Lily?"

"Can you help me with something?"

"What is it?"

"I seem to have a problem."

"I have loads of those, I can help."

"One of my shoes has mysteriously disappeared."

"Let's look!"

"Thanks."

"…Hey, Lily, what's the difference between a trampoline and fancy spoons?"

"What, pray tell, _is _the difference between a trampoline and fancy spoons? I simply must know!"

"You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline!"

"...Very funny. What did the green grape say to the purple grape?"

"What?"

"Breathe, idiot, breathe!"

"Knock, knock, Lily."

"Who's there, James?"

"Interrupting cow."

"Interrupting cow wh—"

"MOOOOO!"

"…Knock knock, James."

"Who's there, Lily?

"Me, you idiot."

"Ouch, Lily. That hurt."

"Sorry…."

"Only joking, milady—oh! I found the shoe!"

"Where was it?"

"Next to your other shoes."

"…That's kind of embarrassing."

"Once, I lost a pair of pants—"

"Do I want to know?"

"—Probably not. But they were under Sirius's bed. Turns out he'd been using them to hide smuggled Firewhiskey in."

"Wow."

"I know, very Padfoot."

"Ouch!"

"Aah!"

...

"Tell me, James: Did I really just trip over thin air and barrel headfirst into you?"

"Yes, you did, Lily. But don't worry at all: I lose my balance all the time—"

"—How is that not a cause for worry—"

"—Shh, you're ruining the moment—"

"—We had a moment?—"

"—Falling for you."

…

"That's actually sort of… sweet."

"You sound surprised."

"Well, I am."

"Not badly, I hope?"

"Quite contrary. Very pleasantly so."

"Say, WHAT?"

"Er… Quite contrary, very pleasantly so?"

"Is the darling Miss Lily admitting to liking me?"

"Maybe…."

…

"That was enthusiastic."

"Well, you _have _kept me waiting for six years now, Lily."

"So I have."

"Would you like to go to Hogsmeade next Saturday?"

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend next Saturday?"

"Of course not, dear Lily. We'll get there a different way."

"Which: The one-eyed witch or the Whomping Willow?"

"You-you know about those?"

"Of course I do, James. Think about it from my perspective: I was eleven, I was brought to a magical castle with secret passageways in a world where unicorns and dragons existed, did you think I wouldn't explore?"

"I never knew!"

"Silly James. Of course you didn't. I just didn't tell everyone about myexplorations, is all."

"But how come I never saw you?"

"Because _I _saw _you_ first, and was clever enough to hide."

"Wow. But why did—Oh, right! You never answered my question!"

"I shall accept."

"At long last."

* * *

><p>"Moony!"<p>

"_What_, Prongs?"

"You were right."

"Ah."


End file.
